Although I have said that I want to eventually talk about my “missing years”, the fact is that so much “life” has happened during those times that I really don’t even know where to begin. Blogging? Gunpla? School? Career? Love life? No life? Soul searching? My destination?! RWARRRRRRR *ahem* Let’s start with the most relevant topic: Gunpla. And I will talk about it as we take a stroll through some of my memories of Japan starting with the Gundam statues at Expo City in Suita, Osaka.
Expo City is like an all-in-one center. Like a mega mall but even more going on. Amusement rides, playgrounds, movie theater, shops, and bunch of other things I forgot since I only came here to just shop since it was near where I stayed ^^;. That giant chicken looking statue thingy is called Tower of the Sun. This was also the site for the first World’s Fair in Japan back in 1970.
Oh right… Gunpla… As much as I still enjoy the hobby and occasionally get the desire to just start snipping and snapping away, I quickly lose motivation and confidence. Like an old laptop battery needing to be replace, I just can’t hold my motivational charge long enough to even start a model then it just dies. It’s not that I think little of this hobby but with so much on my plate of “life” at any given time, building Gunpla just doesn’t feel like the most productive thing that I could or should be doing- It was a really misguided view that I’ve developed under constant outside pressure from “life”.
I wouldn’t go so far as call Gunpla a waste of time though. I still understand the concept that something is worth the time if you enjoy it. My mind was just more career- and future-focused; what can I do now to improve my conditions for the future so I can get to where I want? Gunpla probably isn’t going to do that for me. I also have what some might call a one-track mind, focusing on my main subject of interest while everything else be damned.
Time… Time has been a recurring theme. I am always clamoring for more time. Time to do errands. Time to fix things. Time to see people. Time to learn new skills. Time to advance. Time to rest. Time running out. With all that, there is just no time to justify to myself to build a plastic kit. It would be nice to be like Ash Ketchum/Satoshi and seemingly stay the same age even after almost 20 years and continue building Gunpla but reality has other plans.
Then there is age. I am at the point in my life where I am far from old but not exactly young anymore and the perspectives that I am seeing all around me are rather disillusioning. The generation of people after me whom I used to see as little kids are now either in college or entering the workforce. My generation of people now either have settled-down full time careers, ready to buy a house, getting married, preparing to have kids of their own, or already went home to be a family man. Even though I have a career job of my my own, I still feel as if I were a teenager and still wanting to do fun, stupid things instead of getting the rest of my $#!^ together like them. I don’t exactly care to catch up but I sometimes can’t help but to feel like I am stuck in the past. Is it time to move on forward? I wondered. It also doesn’t help when family members are constantly berating you for not being like the more “successful” people.
After seeing a few of what I’ve mentioned above, I somehow came to the realization and understanding that I don’t want any of that. Yet. It’s almost like I was put off by the notion of “settling down”. Do not want. Call it an epiphany or whatever but I still want to be a free spirit while I am still able to. To travel around, mess around, discover more of what else is out there, and ENJOY life my own way. Do my own things and go my own path. Not aim for the accepted norms.
So now that I’ve finally come to terms with myself and relaxed a bit, I can finally convinced myself that I can enjoy Gundam models for a bit again while still aiming for my future goals.
TL;DR version: Relax. Everyone needs a hobby. Do what makes your own life enjoyable.